Oh, the Fire's Burning Slow
Now, Where's That Mistletoe
Dear, It's Getting Kind of Hot in Here
I Need a Taste of Christmas Cheer
I Hope He Gets Here Quick, I Need a St. Nick Fix
Oooo-eee, I Just Want Him to Be All Wrapped Up For Me
Santa's Never Been This Hard to Resist
But Santa Never Used to Look Like This

[chorus]
He's Traded in His Reindeer For a Limousine 
He's Wearing Purple Trousers Instead of Red and Green
This Christmas, I'm Wanting Something I've Never Had
'cause Santa's Got a Brand New Bag (Oh, Oh)

Now, I've Got To, Got to Find Out How
To Make Him Want to Settle Down
I've Got His Big Fat Kiss
Right At the Top of My List
So We Can Build a Little Candy Home
And Have a Few Elves of Our Own
I Want to Sneak a Peek At My Surprise
And See Tradition Metamorphosize

[second Chorus]
He's Given Up the Cookies and He's Slimming Down
He Bought a Little Bungalow in Tinsel Town
This Christmas, I'm Wanting Something I've Never Had
'cause Santa's Got a Brand New Bag (Oh Yeah)

[breakdown Chorus]
As He Finds His Zen Down On the Kitchen Floor
He Lights a Fat Cohiba From His Humidor
This Christmas, I Want Something I've Never Had
'cause Santa's Got a Brand New Bag

[third Chorus]
He's Got a Rickenbacher and He's Bleached His Hair
He's Rockin' to the Rhythm With a Latin Flair
This Christmas, I'm Wanting Something I've Never Had
'cause Santa's Got a Brand New 

[fourth Chorus]
He's Reading Socrates and Cooking French Cuisine
He's Pictured On the Front of "Money" Magazine
This Christmas, I'm Wanting Something I've Never Had
'cause Santa's Got a Brand New
Santa's Got, Santa's Got a Brand New Bag